Thanksgiving 2024

We had plans.  

My sister Mary and I were going to Young Son's to have lunch with his little family.  

Turns out, Mary is sad because her kids are the worst, so she decided to stay home.  Young Son's family isn't very interested.   

So, I'm having another cuppa, then I'm gonna head down to the laundry room and do a couple loads of laundry.  

I can't quite pinpoint how this feels.  It's just another made up holiday, like all the rest, but it is a holiday that we grew up spending with family, eating a special meal.  

Instead of getting together and soaking up some happy family vibes, we're all here in our separate places.  It feels wrong.  I remember waking up Thanksgiving morning, the house smelling like turkey cooking and all the goodness being prepared in the kitchen.  Mom had already been up for hours watching the turkey, boiling the eggs, doing whatever you do to yams, opening the can of cranberry sauce...  

I miss that so much.  Before I moved here, before it got so bad where I was, we cooked Thanksgiving together, at first we had so much family over we had two dining room tables.  As the years went by and the families dwindled and moved on,  we still cooked a turkey breast and all the fixin's, and usually Young Son would bring in a stray friend that needed a dinner, or we'd have a couple friends over...

I don't miss him, and I wish he wasn't part of the memory, but it is what it is.  

The first Thanksgiving I was free, Young Son and I had Cuppa Noodles and hung out on Thanksgiving.  Both of us recovering from everything that had happened, yet thankful that we were together and away from all that.

Anyway, I'm trying to work through how I feel today.  I am telling  my self that it's just another day, but it isn't.  My heart breaks for my sister, and I am so ashamed of and angry with my nieces and nephews.  I have to stay out of it, though.  I can't even think about making it any worse for Mary.  

I'm just going to go do some laundry, say some prayers, and be thankful for all that I have in my life, the blessings I continue to receive, and to keep being faithful in knowing that every little thing is gonna be all right.  

Play Nice!  xxoo

Update:  Clothes are washed, in the dryer now.  It is a cold day here, and I have to walk a little bit to get to the laundry room, but you know what?  It is still better than where I was.

This is the first Thanksgiving in my life, and the first Thanksgiving in my sister's life, that we are spending it alone.  I offered to come, but she's in no mood for company, and absolutely not in the mood to be cheered up or advised.  She's gotta figure this out herself.  She knows I love her and that I'm on her side, and that's all I can do right this minute.

The host of the day wasn't even up at 10:30 am, nothing was cooking over there...I guess I will eat all these delicious deviled eggs myself.  

Friday - Went to see Young Son, went to see my sister, ran some errands for her, ran a couple errands for myself, and now I am home and plan to stay right here hopefully until next Friday.  xxoo

Becoming of age

So far in this journey of mine, this slow but steady incline I've been climbing for the last couple of years is working.  Every "little" thing so far I've been able to handle.  I am Not challenging the Universe in any way by saying this, I'm appreciating the blessings.  

I know those Medicare ads on tv are annoying, but they are necessary.  If you are so short sighted that you don't understand how daunting the world of Medicare is, that means you are younger than me, so hush, your time's coming, if you're lucky!  

I was involved in a confrontation with management of the complex, but it all stemmed from some me being told something that wasn't so.  I received an apology, all is well.  I was proud to have stood up the way I did.  The old me wouldn't have done that.

A "Welcome to Medicare" physical this week, turns out I am pretty healthy, besides my pesky hypo thyroid, still wanting to hypo more than it should.  New meds, and I need to exercise.  Imagine that. 

So...a couple of days have passed.   I cancelled the mammogram that was scheduled on Friday, just no need for that.  

I got some very great great news this week.  My rent has gone down quite a bit, while my EBT food assistance amount has gone up!  I have been budgeting (to the penny) since August, when Medicare payments started coming out of my SSI check.  I'm proud at how well I've managed so far, we haven't ran out of a single thing.  We have always had what we needed.   The Food Pantry is another blessing I should count.  

Now, with the decrease and increase (usually "they" give us something but then turn around and take something else, but this time might be different?) I am feeling a little bit less worry about maintaining this lifestyle.  Maybe even bettering it a little?  That is entirely possible, you know.  

It's all out of my control, my only contribution to the outcome is to expect it to come back in my favor.  There's no reason why it shouldn't.  Just gotta be patient, yeah, I've learned a lot of that.  

Being patient became much easier when I realized that I had no control over certain things.  At this phase of my life, and the path I am on, I have to depend on allowances from the money that I earned every day of my working life.  I missed a bunch of stuff with my kids growing up because I was working working working, so what I get now, I deserve.  Even in the small increments, because I can work with it.  

Being adaptable has been important, too.  Plans don't always go the way they are intended.  Unless it is something life threatening, things can always be re-scheduled or rearranged.  

So, it's Saturday afternoon, I'm doing some computer work, so I'll close this for now.  

Play Nice!  xxoo

Brad is just about bigger than Greg now.