Now what?

 My life changed on December 1st, 2021.  It has taken me exactly this long to wonder what's next.  So much time homeless, then finally finding a place to live, moving in with just what I could carry.  Little by little me and the boys have made this a sweet little clubhouse, with lots of love.  

I am happier than I have ever been.  I love where I live, I love my life.  But that doesn't mean that it has to just be "this."  As much as I love it, there's so much more out there that I want to do.

I am ready for a new adventure.

This girl (me) lived a loveless life for 20 years.  No hugs, no kisses, no physical contact unless fornicating, and then only with the lights out.  I always kept my eyes shut.  

I am a very physical person.  I love a good hug,  I love to hold hands.  I love to reach out and just touch someone that I love, and I've had to squelch that part of me for for too long.  Not that I am wanting to go out and have a bunch of sex, that's not my objective.  

I am looking for someone to laugh with, to talk to.  To Be with.  Someone that I can be myself with, because I am finally finding me under all the layers of squelch, and I am pretty cool, imo.

Because I have to love myself like crazy before anyone else can, I am making some healthy changes in my life, and actually have an overdue appt at the dentist this afternoon.  

Random thoughts I know, but still memorable.

xxoo Play Nice!

My friend, Earlene

 She passed away last night.  She was 78.  She and I had just celebrated our 13th friendaversary.  I went to get her and took her to work just last week.  She was awfully frail, and I was concerned about her going but she was determined.  As usual.  

Earlene and her husband and kids run a very successful appliance store in town.  A very well respected company.  She had almost a dozen exotic birds at one time.  Now I think there are only 5.  Some have passed, some recently rehomed.  I worry about Rosie, she and Earlene had been together for 30 years.  

I am sorry that we don't have any pics together.  We just didn't do that.  

We truly loved each other.  And while my life was going through changes, I knew that at any time I could reach out and she'd be right there.  And it went both ways.  

It's so sad to know that she's "gone."  I will miss her until I see her again.  

If you feel like you need to tell someone that you love them, dammit, go ahead and do it.  

Play Nice  xxoo

Gratitiude

I have been brought to tears more than a few times, living the life I am living today.  It hits me at odd times, but the feeling of relief, gratitude, peace...I feel the whole mix of those and more.  I don't know if I can explain it well enough, but if you could feel my heart, you would understand.  

 Has it really been over 2 years?  The first year was first spent disconnected, then making a major life change.  That had to happen before the rest could fall into place.  

The 2nd year was spent setting up my home, becoming more independent, and realigning myself.  I wouldn't say I was fractured, because I continued to live, learn and grow, but I'm still sweeping up and discarding of the tiny scraps that show up from time to time.  That's getting much easier.  I can't say I've completely forgiven, but that will come, eventually.  

Now, 3 months into the 3rd year, I am happy to say that my independent spirit has been revived.  My home is wonderful, my pets are great, and I am getting my budget squared away.  

Starting up a new household takes moola and time.  I have plenty of time, and limited moola, but I'm making it work.  

I am blooming where I have been planted, and thriving.

But...

As much as I hate to admit, I am feeling a little lonely.  

I don't have anyone to do anything with.  I would like to make a friend of the male persuasion to do things with.  I don't want to sit here every day all day all summer, again.  I want to go to Estate Sales and Thrift Stores and Garage Sales.  Maybe even start up a You Tube channel.  Be a reseller.  

I have so much love in me.  After being in a loveless relationship for 20 years, and being the age that I am, I would sure like to share that love with someone cool for the rest of my life.  

Someone big and strong, funny, loving and caring.  Someone that will make it easy for me to give up my clubhouse.  

Someone that would love me back.  

Someday.  Hopefully someday soon.  

Until then, I am going to continue to learn and grow, love my life, and be grateful for all of it.  Every single bit.  

Play Nice! 
xxoo

I've been thinking

 Gosh, so many thoughts.  

I believe that I am connected to what I call God, or The Universe, i can feel it in my heart, i can see it in signs and symbols, songs, and I am feeling that there is a big change coming.  In all of our lives.  And I feel a big change coming for my individual life.  I'm not scared.

I've stopped trying to figure out all the secrets that "they" are hiding, 

I've stopped watching the news of any kind, as I don't trust any of it.  

My decision is to live my best life right here, right now.  I'll keep my bubble around myself and the ones I love.  My goal in life now is to be good, and to be safe.  

And I'm thinking I might almost be ready to let another person in my bubble.  I am feeling that is a change that is coming.  I haven't met anyone, yet.  

I believe that we have been dealing with AI for a lot longer than we know.  Especially with photo generating.  I know I sound like an old woman, with all my "back in the day" thinking, but I've been here awhile, and I've seen how things have gone to the dark side, so I don't really have high hopes for that.  My only real hope in this regard, is that they turn on their creators and leave us out of that beef.  And how do we know that hasn't already happened?  Maybe previous civilizations advanced as far as creating some form of artificial intelligence, and that was their whole undoing?  

See?  Lots of thoughts.  

My hair girl, Lori, she told me she took an ADD test and was prescribed some meds that she could tell the difference immediately, and how focused she was now.  Maybe I should get some and actually finish a few (more than a few) sewing projects around here!

So, it's Monday now, and I've done all my morning chores and had a shower,  Probably gonna do some laundry this afternoon.

Right now the boys are sitting in the open window, watching outside and being peaceful.  

Try not to be afraid, try to keep your energy positive, 

Play Nice!  xxoo

Below Zero

As I am starting this it is -6 degrees out there.  

I am wearing leggings under sweat pants, an  undershirt, a long sleeve t-shirt and a sweatshirt.  Thick socks and winter house shoes.  

The sun is shining, that seems to make it feel warmer in here...blinds and drapes are open, but the door remains shut, it's not very weather proof.  

It looks like I am going to venture out tomorrow...I need some groceries and I may do some laundry.  Might have some goodies in the mailbox, too.  I send off for freebies all the time.  

My workout plan for 2024 is to bend over and pick up all the cat toys that get strewn around here twice a day.  

 Wednesday...it was actually in the double digits, and above freezing for about an hour this afternoon.  I ran to town to pick up some groceries and mail a package.  After the groceries were put away I treated myself to a cuppa coffee, then gathered my laundry and walked up to the laundry room.  

And...I am done, in and staying put, hopefully until next Wednesday.  And...I am tired.  I was going to make myself a good dinner of cube steak, mashed potato and green beans, but decided to save that for tomorrow.  I had a pot pie for dinner.  

Thursday - It feels so good to not have to go anywhere.  Food in the house, laundry done.  I feel secure.  My fingers are struggling, though.  I have worked them to the bone almost.  I'd like to give them a couple days off, even typing hurts a little bit.  

Today I am going to tackle my storage closet.  It is a walk in, maybe 6' x 6'.  

Friday

I did not tackle the storage closet, but I am today.  I've lost a ball of denim that I have been building to make a rug on my loom.  It's gotta be in there somewhere.  . 

Saturday

I did tackle the storage closet, and I did find my ball of denim.  I have a lot of fabric.  I also found some hand embroidery that my mom had done, in a bag I hadn't looked in for 20 years.  Looks like I will be getting my sewing machine out here pretty soon.  I gotta make those treasures into something for everyone to treasure.  A quilt, a few lap blankets, pillows...I got a bit overwhelmed after finding them, I put them back in the box to think about for a bit...I don't even know how many there are, but there are a lot!  

I also found a shelf in the area behind the closet, where the hot water heater is.  I stashed the Christmas decor back there, and the Halloween / Fall decor as well.  

I am hoping that my payday is this week.  I'm getting a cat tree for my roomies.  

Sunday

I was awakened at almost 6 am this morning...I put food in their bowls, turned on the coffee pot and got back in bed hoping I could catch at least a half hour more...7 minutes later my space was invaded again.  Ok, I'm up.

We did our morning things a little earlier than normal, now they are napping.  I do not nap.  

And here we are it's already Thursday!  I got tied up in knots this week waiting to see if my check was coming this week...hoping, and thankfully it was this week!  Already placed a few orders.  

Picking up a Walmart order tomorrow, hit a couple shops, see my son, then have coffee with my sister.  I'm gonna fill my gas tank while I'm out, while I have moola and prices are "low."  

I'll go ahead and publish this now, then get up and do something with this day.  

Play Nice!
xxoo

The Snowy Part of Winter

So, I was doing a few dishes this morning, and working on cleaning a burner plate from the stove, when the thought came to me to do this blogging thing every day, but publish once a week, so I'm gonna try that.  

Not that anyone is reading this right now, but that doesn't mean that it will never be read.  I know I have come across a few blogs in my internet surfing that were interesting enough for me to read through a few of their entries.  

It snowed all day yesterday (Monday).  I took this pic before my first pot of coffee was finished brewing, and guess what?  It's still snowing!  

pic taken from my front door.

Greg acted the effing asshole that he is last night, more than usual.  I had a glass of water in the living room, have to set it on the floor because Greg is an asshole.  When I went to bed I forgot to put the glass in the kitchen.  A couple minutes later I hear the glass being knocked over...guess who?  So, I took the glass to the kitchen to put in the sink, but must have gotten distracted and left it on the counter.  

You can guess what happened.  Yep. Just a few minutes later I was sweeping up broken glass, bent over looking for any little glimmers of glass left because I don't want any of us to get hurt.  I felt so angry but realized I really should feel frustrated (since it was my error), which was easier for me to let go..  

Greg started off the morning being pretty demanding about wanting a window open in the living room, but it's just too cold!  I did raise the one in the bedroom a little bit, that will have to do.  

You've heard about Monday, today is Tuesday

Just shared a few back and forth voice messages with my Germany folk, they are on their way home from school, ready to start their evening.  I worked on the finishing touches on a burning I am working on.  Then I rearranged my pyro supply drawer. I scrubbed the burner pans on the stove, put it back together, had a text with my sister, now I have a fresh cuppa, gonna figure out what to do next.  

Wednesday - Woke up early as usual.  The cats, including Greg, were decent last night.  Nothing was broken, and they let me sleep all night, so win win for all of us.

The sun is shining, but it's colder than cold out there.  In the teens and dropping steadily until we hit the single digits on Sunday.  I'm gonna need to make a grocery run on Sunday or soon after, so...not looking forward to that.  

Not sure what I am going to try to accomplish today.  I started a hat for a girl that I buy stones and crystals from, but hats are my evening projects.

Thursday - Oh my...

In my head I was going to go get in my car, run up to the store to get some groceries and come back.  There's a Deep Freeze in the forecast, and I got no time to get out in that bull-oney.

It took me 45 mins to get just enough off the car to get up to the store.  The speed limit is 25mph from my house to the store, and "they" watch (police station on main street of town), so I wasn't afraid of it blowing off.  Broke my ding dang $1.25 ice scraper, too.  I am just now getting feeling back in my pointer finger on my right hand.  

(The old coot that lives in front of my parking spot, walks like that old character Tim Conway played on The Carol Burnett Show, came out without a coat on, acted like he was looking for the mail man or something, then shuffled back into his house.  That guy bristles me.)

Young Son called as soon as I walked in my door, and while he knew I was going out, he was very frustrated that he wasn't able to clean off my car for me, or run my errands for me so I didn't have to get out, but it is what it is and I'm still more than capable of doing these things.  It would be nice for him to do them for me, of course, but that's not how it is right now.

I was spoiled with a garage for the previous 2 decades.  What a price that carried with it.  I will gladly scrape the snow off my car.  

Now I am home, everything put away where it should be.  We've played around with the toys, a new box fort has been made, and I'm about to get myself another cuppa coffee, resume watching "The Incredible Dr. Pol" and work on a Valentine project that I started last night, in my nice warm home, just me and my felines. 

There are 2 cats on that bed.  

I feel sad that I only just now realized how important and short this life is.  I feel happy and relieved that I finally did!  

FrIdAy!

I'm sitting here watching the sweet, soft, fluffy little snowflakes wander out of the sky to softly join their family on the ground, I just hope Mother Nature does not think she is fooling me!  I know she's about to turn on the cold starting tonight.  She's gonna wield her power like nothing else can and put us all on lockdown for the weekend.  

(I'm saying that like I don't know that HAARP controls the weather)

Ok by me, Mother N, I'm fine as can be.  I'll stay here safe and pray for those that absolutely have to get out in this weather.  Farmers, their livestock, emergency services...I thank you for answering the call and doing what most choose not to.  I won't be getting in anyone's way or causing any problems out there in the real world.  

What are you guys going to be doing tonight?  

Me and the boys have been bustling around the place, doing our morning chores, and chasing toys that I find everywhere in the house.  I throw them in the living room, they chase them, then come back to be there when I find another one.  I wonder if they hide them in the night?  Like that's a game to them.  I'm gonna think that's it, because that's something I would want my cats to do.

Saturday Morning - 8:01 am.  

It is 4 degrees out there this morning.  I keep my thermostat to 70, because this is the time of the year that I should be feeling a little colder than usual.  I don't like it to be an oven in here, for goodness sakes.  

I have a heating pad on my bed for the cats, and they love that.  I use it at night.  Speaking of...I woke up this morning with both of my roomies in bed with me.  

I went to make the bed, but Greg was curled up right in the middle of it, so that can wait.  I'll be here all day.  Both he and Brad are being quiet right now.  I'll take advantage of that until they start wanting my attention, then we'll all bustle around doing chores and playing until their next nap time.  

Amazing how many soft rock songs of the 70s and 80s were about "doing it."  I mean, I knew it, but now I can read between the lines of "I'm not talkin' 'bout promises..." to me, now, translates to "I just want to fuck you and that's it, I'm gone."  

I really don't care for the way men have been raised and taught, and how some just can't seem to control their dicks.

Sunday - Negative 8 degrees when I got up,  High zero.  We're fine.  

I think this weekly blogging is too long.  Back to daily for me.  

Play Nice!  

xxoo

Dinner last night

Home made veggie beef soup.  

Location, Location, Location

 2024!  Woo Hoo!  I am open to all positive aspects that a come with a new year.

I haven't updated in awhile because of where I had my computer set up.  It was set up on a piece of furniture called a Secretary, in a corner, with a small space between the desk and the wall, because I needed just a little elbow room...it was that small.

Greg and Brad thought I would enjoy it if they both played in the small space between the wall and the desk, where all the cords were jangled.  Every time.  They did not think this was the best place in the world to play, unless I was sitting at the desk. 

They were wrong, I did not enjoy it.  At all.  So I pushed the desk up against the wall, and that was that.  

Yesterday I moved my monitor, keyboard and mouse to a table closer to where I could actually get to it, the wires are hidden, and while they have been trying to entertain me while I "work," there aren't any crannys or wires for the little bitches to get snarled up in.  

Yes, I called them the b-word.  

Brad is the age that Greg was when he came to live here.  He's growing like crazy, a sleek black panther.  He's so chill most of the time and he's one of those cats that go limp when picked up and purrs all the time.  

Greg is Greg.  He's bossy, picky, and demanding.  He will grace me with a snuggle and purr a couple times a day.   

They're best buds now.

I started getting up at 6:30 am right before the time change.  I was sleeping until 8, but I really enjoy getting up early, getting things done so I can have the day to create. It's 9:53 am right now and I've already done my morning chores, and here I am. 

 I was treated to this sunrise one morning I just happened to open my front door.  No filter, and you can only imagine how it looked for real.  

This was my Christmas tree this year.  That's Brad with the jingle bell collar I made for Karma Carmella way back when, I took the tree down the next day because I believe Brad took a nibble off the tree...he was sick a couple times that morning, and besides, I had a feeling there was something about that tree anyway. 

 

I'd love to have the Christmas Tree that me and the kids always used, but it's being held hostage in the storage room in the home of a very bitter man.  Maybe someday, but it's not worth facing the devil in my world to get it back.  

Does this bring back any memories?  I love opening the cannister and seeing this.  I guess you could say this sparks joy for me.  

I've been dabbling in reselling some items.  Mostly on Mercari and FB Marketplace.  Mostly household items, and I sold this statue that I had given as a gift to same bitter man.  He sent this back instead of my rhino, but again, maybe someday...but this statue I sold for cheap because I didn't want to see it every time I walked up to "my" porch.  

 

It may sound silly to some, but if you know you know, and you'll get it.  

So, probably more blogging coming, probably...I have lots of thoughts and my keyboard is right here.  

My Home Sweet Home

I only use SnapChat for the filters,

and chatting with my niece..  

Play Nice!  xxoo