I am a little discouraged

Physically I am fine, but emotionally and in my head I'm feeling discouraged.  In trying to figure out why, I thought I'd jot some ideas down.  

I'm discouraged at how the Maker's Market that I am involved with here in town is performing.  I am discouraged that my Critters aren't selling, even at the low price I have on them.

I'm wondering if I should try doing something different, or do what I am doing differently.  Maybe make them a bit more adult oriented, not nasty, just make them more home decorish.  I have some textured brown pleather coming, thinking maybe a horse with a faux fur mane...

I'm discouraged that I am so awkward that I can't even relax enough to be myself, which is odd in in its own way, because I am not sure who I am right now.  I'm so wary about people in this complex that I interact with regularly.  I want to keep them at arm's length, not let them close enough that if they stopped talking to me it would bother me.  I'm ok with strangers that I will never see again, though.  

I am discouraged and relieved that I haven't met someone new yet.  I have a lot of love in me, and I am dying to know what it feels like to be loved.  But then there we go again, could I even let someone that close to me?  

I have promised myself that I will never put myself in the position to allow anyone to pull that rug out from under me again.  Never.  

While I have been like a cat every time it has happened before, landing on my feet and moving forward, I'm not sure that I have another time in me.  I'm older now, and this last one has/is been harder than the ones before, and has/is taken longer to bounce back.  

And for those friends and family members that have disconnected themselves from me, good.  I'm older now, time is precious, and I intend to spend mine with intention.  While I can't stop you from crossing my mind now and then, rest assured that I will not be reaching out any more.  It's taken me awhile to accept it, but now I have, and it's all good.  

And then I get hit with a burst of inspiration, and away I go!  \

Play Nice!  xxoo

  

 

Checking In

Gosh, time is flying.   I have been spending so much time in my head.  

I have a new neighbor and I think we could be friends but I don't seem to be able to do that right now.  To allow someone new to matter to me seems like such a scary thing to do.  There are a couple things about her that concerns me, too.  

She has a dog, and of course she walks him a few times a day.  So she's getting to  know a lot more people around here than I do.  You know, I stay to myself pretty much.  I worry that she may be a gossiper, because she's told me a few "secrets" that she's learned about other people in the complex, which makes me worry that she may be sharing some of mine???  I am being very, very careful with what I talk to her about, which makes it very hard to have a conversation with her.  My guard is way up there.  Plus, she's shared a secret about our complex manager, that he told her, which makes me wonder why he would tell her something so important.  

I thought about thinking about maybe meeting someone to have a relationship with but I can't really plan that.  I know that eventually I will meet someone and it will be the right one.  Manifesting rules say to act like it's already happened, but that is hard,  I love my place, my cats, our daily routines.  This is what I dreamed of.

I watched a tarot reading on You Tube which led me to watching quite a few different readers.  They/the cards all talk of a hard relationship in the past, and how there is someone coming my way.  Most of the readings were very similar,  but the readings were making me think about things that I don't think I am ready for, but wanting at the same time.  Everywhere I went I was looking for him.  They made it sound like soul mates, twin flames...and I'm not saying they were wrong in their readings, I just didn't like how it was making my thoughts be missing something that I didn't have and didn't know if I really wanted it right now, but feeling disappointed that I didn't find him.  I felt that it was taking me out of the present moment.

I remembered how happy and blissful I was before I started watching them, so happy where I was and content...so I decided to stop watching the readings.  While some things resonated with me, some did not, and for such a general audience...nah, if I'm gonna have my cards read, it'll be in person, and I'm not sure I'd even do that right now.

There isn't a thing wrong with having hopes and dreams, wishes and such, and I believe in the power of attraction, I think I'll just keep living my happy little life and if someone gets lucky enough to spend some time with me, well, we'll just see if/when that happens.  

If anyone reading this thinks they should suggest a dating app, thanks but no thanks.  I'm way past the "hook up" phase.  Ugh.  

The boys (Greg and Brad) have birthdays this month.  Brad is 1 year old now, and Greg will be 2 next week.  They are such good boys, now that I am pretty much fully trained.  We are quite happy in our little lives right now.  They both pretty much choose to be in the same room that I am in most of the time.  There is one part of the afternoon where they like to stretch out on my bed, and I mean flat out, on their backs, arms above their heads and legs straight out.  I giggle every time I see them doing that, but haven't gotten a pic yet.  I'd hate to disturb them when they are resting so peaceful.

 

So things have been going very well.  I had some dental work done that was overdue, so I'm glad to have that done.  Another appt. in August, then I should be good for awhile.

My Germany kids are doing well.  School is out, and I am sure they will have many adventures this summer.  I talk to them every morning, we send voice messages back and forth.  Don't know why we don't talk on the phone, but I'm ok with this system.

Young Son is doing very well.  That makes me so happy.

Play Nice!  xxoo