This and That

 Today is Friday, my favorite day.  My sister and I went to a couple thrift stores, and now I'm home.  I had quite a few things I could have done this morning, but glad I waited for her. 

And...now it's Tuesday.  

I got my paycheck, still messed up a little bit but balancing out.  Another mystery cat litter showed up.  I had a Walmart delivery, the eyes for my alien baby doll showed up yesterday, along with a few other little things I needed...some more little things on their way.  

I have been feeling very good.  Still a little scattered with some of my possessions being held, but in the great scheme of life, they are just things.  Otherwise, I feel I have become quite content with the way my life is going right now.

Honestly, I'm grappling between my heart and mind regarding if I will ever be in a relationship again.  Even will I ever have a "best" friend again?  

For so long, every 11:11 I saw, my wish was "I wish I was alone."  I wonder now if I should have been a little more specific, like, "I wish I wasn't in this relationship anymore."  

Ah well.  Like I said, I am pretty happy with how life is flowing right now.  I feel like I have somewhat of a handle on maybe a little bit of it.  

It would be so nice if someone out of the blue just poofed a few thousand dollars into my checking account, no questions asked.  

I moved some wall art around, so I could display what I call my "Skedaddles." 

That big one was my first "big" one.  Welcome to a glimpse of my homey home.  That's a pretty old secretary desk.  I know the arrangement is wonky, decorating is not my best talent, 

I've gotten a new piece of equipment for burning the big ones.  I found that a lighted magnifying glass helps me so much, but the one I had clamped onto the table, and the gooseneck was limiting, so I got a free standing one.

There is a craft event here in town on May 7th, I might be attending, so I decided to make a big sign.

I've burned a few more big ones, but really waiting on the weather for staining.  It's been super windy, and all that wind blew back in some cold, we're at mid 60's with 12 mph wind which makes it a bit too breezy and chilly for me to be outside very long.  Plus it's very "moist" outside right now, as we are expecting a thunderstorm this evening.  

I have finally come to the realization that I can't and don't have to "fix" everything.  Realizing that people have got to figure things out for themselves, even if it is crystal clear to me.  

My kids are in Berlin for Spring Break.  What a life they are living.  I am really so happy for them, happy for the adventures they go on, how they are a tight tight family...just happy for them.  I miss them, of course, but they really are living a great life.

That's about it, I guess, for now.  The boys are good, Brad is acting like the teenager he is, he and Greg have been playing, and they have been very respectful of the alarm clock lately.  

There is a whole flock of birds out there.

Like a scene from the movie.  

All is Well.  

Play Nice!  xxoo

Spring?

 I have lived in Missouri all my life.  I know how Winter's go around here.  I have a feeling that we will have at least 2 more snows, and at least a week of really cold, before Spring arrives for real.  

Or, hopefully, I am wrong, and the way the weather is being manipulated these days, who really knows.

Maybe the Old Farmer's Almanac doesn't "predict" the weather.  Maybe it's just their way of sharing the script with us.  You know the rules, they have to show us what they are doing, but we have to be smart enough to figure it out. 

Last week was Spring, the weekend was winter (even snow), now we're back to the 70's, with the chance of snow tomorrow?  

On another note.  My neighbor has been diagnosed with Cancer.  In her lung.  I have been trying to help by feeding her cat, but he's missing her something fierce.  She says she might be coming home today, but that might be wishful thinking on her part.  

I had some thoughts this morning, about friends and losing them.  Through death or disagreements, so many of my friendships have ended, to the point that I really don't have a "real life" friend group.  I've only known my neighbor for a couple years, we really don't have any memories together, but she's right next door, and she'll be gone pretty soon.  It's a loss.

I can only hope that I had some positive impact or influence on the lives of those that are no longer in mine.  

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. 

The reason is to serve a specific purpose or help you through a particular time in your life.  The seasonal ones are temporary and may last for a shorter period, like a few months or years.  The Lifetime Friends are long-lasting.  They are there for the duration.  

As it turns out, my lifetime friends are also family, which I am very thankful for.  

I have had a few reason friends, and a few seasonal ones.  Those...for me those have usually ended on a sour note.  There just comes a point that sometimes both of us didn't want to be friends anymore, but we had been friends for "so long..."  You know...then feelings get hurt, things are said...and boom, that's it.

Oh dear!  My neighbor just called!  She's coming home today.  She sounds so much better, she told me she had so many infections in her, they finally got her cleaned out.  She still has cancer, but she's not deathly ill at the moment.  

 Awww, in the way that hospitals work, she has to stay in the hospital.  She said they are going to put something in her lungs, either today or tomorrow.  She's pissed.  I'm glad I didn't tell her cat yet.  

That's about it for now.  I'm gonna get to work on a burning.  

Play Nice!  xxoo

Monday Monday

A gray day here, blowy and chilly, but in the 40/50s.  I ran a few errands today, paid rent, popped into the grocery store, car wash for quarters, and back homey home.  

One of my neighbors stopped me to ask me about my neighbor, wondering if she's ok because she's been parking weird.  I know she's been sick for a bit, but she and I are both pretty solitary.  

I did send her a text, asking if she was ok over there.  I see her cat out every night, so I know she's at least up and letting him in and out.  She will probably take a while to respond.  

I am calling my first Big Burning finished.  I learned a lot, and am ready to start on Young Son's.

Just checked the weather.  Rain starting tonight, all day tomorrow, then turning to snow Wednesday morning, 1" at least accumulation.  And as I am writing this my gardening next door neighbor is mowing his lawn.  He can't wait to start planting, and the weather last week got us all in the gardening mood.  I knew we were in for some more Winter weather.  I have lived in Missouri my whole life.

My next Big Burning project.

Play Nice!  xxoo

Already March!

 This past week was pretty good.  We were lucky to get some Spring like temps for a few days, even up to 70 degrees on Friday!  Mother Nature does this to us every year, though.  She puts us in an Arctic headlock for a week or two, then trickles in some warmer weather, even flat out right in our faces try to make us believe that Spring has arrived.  

But I've lived in Missouri all my life, and I know her tricks.  

"I saw my first robin!"  Yep, that means within the next 3 weeks we are going to have such a snow storm!  Then it will be too cold to want to go outside for any length of time, but yeah, the days are getting longer, and they are just a little bit warmer every day...

Then here comes April, and maybe even another snow storm.  It's happened before.

But anyway...I learned how to enlarge my patterns for burning, which is very exciting for me!  With this new knowledge I have already started a large burning of my favorite, the jackalope.  

This was taken day 3.  Yesterday was day 4.  

I ran some errands on Friday.  Mary decided to sleep in, so I visited with Young Son, then I went to the lumber store and got a piece of plywood cut into 8 pieces.  Young Son has already commissioned a piece from me, so after that...I don't know what my next project will be.  But I can tell you it will be big!  

A great big milestone this week, I was finally approved for Medicaid!  After working on this for 6 months, I had a nice lady help me and we got it done!  That's quite a blessing and I am so thankful!

I'm going to make my kitchen table area an office.  A trade is planned for my table and bench seating going to a guy that will give me his mom's old desk.  It's fairly modern desk, , and not a big, bulky piece of furniture.  I'll move the computer from the living room to the new office area.  Lots of moving of furn and equipment, slowly but surely I am making this space mine.  

I don't have company.  I eat in the living room at the coffee table.  The only thing I use my table for is as a work space, and I have a folding table under my bed that will take the place of that.  

I ran a couple more errands, then I headed for home, and haven't needed to get out again since.  I like it that way.

Nothing planned for this week coming up, thank goodness!  I can be ready for anything in about 30 mins, though, if something comes up.

Play Nice!  xxoo

Todays Adventure

My adventure out into the world today, I was nervous and paranoid about my keys all day!  To start off, on the way to the next town I had an old guy in a pickup, one of those guys that will pull out in front of you when there is no one behind you, choosing not to wait the extra 5 seconds it would take for you to pass...anyway...yeah...the one that doesn't believe in "jack rabbit" starts, that takes a good mile to get up to speed.  Barely.

We crossed the bridge and there were some highway guys setting up to do some work, this old guy in front of me slowed down to a crawl, like 12 mph, a good 50 yards before we even got close to them, and then almost came to a complete stop right next to them, like he was going to stop and have a chat?

When something like that happens, sometimes I wonder if that has happened to slow me down, to keep something from happening, so I don't get angry.  I do make fun of them to myself and laugh.  

Safely arrived at my first stop, to put some gas in my car.  The gas station was busy with snow coming tonight.  I made one more stop, which went well, then off to Young Son's to drop off a couple sewing cabinets.  I was going to stay for a minute but I just wanted to get what I needed and get back home.  I had two more stops in my town, then I could go home.

That's what I did.  Grabbed some sugar, ice cream and minute steaks at the grocery store, 1 more stop and Finished.  Now I am home for the next few days at least.  

I was so hungry when I got home.  It was 11:00 am, and I was cooking up some spaghetti.  Delicious.

Play Nice!  xxoo

Befuddled

 After yesterday's out of the ordinary occurrence, paying for a locksmith, my piggy bank is feeling the pain.  

And while I know and appreciate the fact that the guy didn't charge me the full amount, the state of the economy is so bad that he HAD to charge me as much as he did, because it is hard out there in the world.  He probably took a loss, and even bought one of my Critters before he left.  I hadn't even taken a pic of it yet!

While pondering this situation, it led me to feeling so grateful.  Had this happened 2 years ago, my car would still be out in the parking lot, with the keys in it, out of gas, until next week at least.  And while my bank account is weak right now, a couple years ago I had .86 in my bank account, no toilet paper, and a week until payday.  I made it then, and I will make it this time.  And the next time, and the next...

I haven't had to ask anyone for financial help for a couple years, either.  Those were mainly moving and setting up house expenses, and all have been repaid.

All of our needs and most of our wants are covered at this time.   We have a warm, loving home, decent neighbors.  I love my kids, my sisters, pretty sure most of them love me.  Young Son checks in with me several times a day, which I do enjoy because we are so alike in our views and humor.  

So...what's done is done.  Lesson learned, new key fobs are on order so I will have a spare.  Locking myself out of my own car should never happen again.

(There is an extra key fob out there,  but I'd rather pay than have to call that person.)

Ok, fresh cuppa here, gonna take the day to try to reconnect with myself, feeling a little off kilter.  

Play Nice!  xxoo

Why so strange?

 Gosh.

Today, for the first time in over 30 years, I locked my keys in my car while it was running.  

I was supposed to go to Mary's at noon.  I had a couple errands I wanted to run before, since there is snow coming this weekend, but all morning I felt trepadacious.  I just didn't want to go.  But I talked myself into it, took a shower, even put a little mascara on...had trash to put in the dumpster, a couple things to put in the car, all planned out.  The car started, I turned on the seat heater, then stepped out to load things up...  automatically locking the door as I stepped out.  Didn't even realize until I got to the back of the car and couldn't open it.  

Then the dull thud of realization hit me right in the belly.  You know, I know you know that feeling.

No choice but to call a locksmith.  Luckily he was a decent dude, "cut me a deal."  $130 and an hour later, I have my keys.  Car didn't run out of gas.  

I felt that was a pretty good indicator that I had no business going out anywhere today.  That, and the way I was feeling. 

So...I am home for the weekend.  I have a delivery coming from walmart this afternoon.  Budget is super tight but it's been worse.  

Still better than where I was.  

Play Nice!  xxoo

Challenging day

Because it was 40+ degrees today, I decided to go run a few errands, because after today Mother Nature is gonna leave the freezer door open for about 4 days.  I had a couple of  prescriptions to pick up, mailed a couple of Critters to their new homes, and stopped at one other store.  Easy in and outs for all of them.  

I came home and had a cuppa coffee, waiting to pick up my Walmart order, between 3 and 4.

Ok, a few things.  I am a morning person.  I plan my errands in a circle, with the last stop being home, and preferably I am home by noon.  This usually happens.

But I didn't decide to do the Walmart thing until this morning, So I had an afternoon pickup.  I hesitated about driving to town, because my car is telling me that one of my tires is low, so I didn't want to get on the highway.  I asked a local FB group if the outer road was cleared, which was a go.   

So my plan was to run the first set of errands, come home, then head to town later in the day.  I would stop at QT to try to air up my tire, stop at a store, pick up my order at WM and head on home for the next few days.  But it started getting cloudy and I started getting antsy, so I left just a little earlier than I had planned.

For the life of me I can not work that thing to air up the tire.  The store I stopped at, I was in and out in 5 minutes.  Now all I have left is to wait for the WM order.  For over an hour.  

And then...after waiting...my battery was dead.  A girl with a pick up gave me a jump, and I have limped my poor little 43% oil life low tire weak battery little car home...  and like I said, it's gonna be so cold the next few days.  Car is getting a good servicing next week, that's for sure.  I love it, and sure don't want to be without it.

All I wanted was to get my groceries into the house, turn on my coffee pot, and be home.  But, there was Dalane shoveling out my parking spot...like the front of it, where I dont walk, and frowned and gestured at me to stop.  I waited  until she was finished, kinda.  She wanted to dig a walkway, but I asked her not to bother.  

Also, this morning, my darling Brad (who has a very distinct taste for charging cords) knocked my diffuser off the table, to a place that I can't reach without moving The Entire wooden table and connected L-shaped bench.  

Which I did, and also got a few other things that had found there way down in that hidden zone, and converted my old stick vacuum cleaner into a hand held, which I have been meaning to do for days.  Took 5 minutes and a little grunting effort from me.  

In summary...I made it over every obstacle, and of course, thankfully, there was someone to help me when I needed it.  I've said my gratefuls  profusely since I made it home.  

The next few days are stay home days.  I am ready for it.  

Play Nice!  xxoo

I laid a piece of packing paper on the floor.  

The gray one is Greg.  Good Boy Greg.  He is not a good boy, but he leaves the cords alone.

The black one is Brad.  Big Boy Brad.  Besides the cord thing, he's alright.  

Today

  This morning I cleaned out/straightened up my storage closet.  I needed to get the snow shovel out to dig the snow out from my car, so I can back up.  Gonna do Kathy's, too.

I feel really good about the reorganization I did this morning.  I think if I had 5 good size clear totes that I can lift by myself when full, I could make myself feel stupendous!

And after I tackle the dressers (I have 4, mostly storage) and get everything where it should be, I can't even imagine the amount of estatic I will feel.  It's goals, kids, gotta have them!

Play Nice!  xxoo

Edit:  Went out to do the shoveling, but I am too weak for that.  Then I got my mail, said hey to the "group" at Pam's, dropped a couple purses off at the office, I don't want them.  Lost my keys, found them, was spoken to very sharply by Dalane, not once but twice.  That's whatever, doesn't affect me at all.  Found out that Kathy had a relative come shovel her out yesterday, so good for her.  

Sunday, January 12, 2025

 I've been very pro-active in my life.  I am taking care of business, learning, growing, and feeling more confident every day.

We had a terrible ice and snow storm last weekend.  I was prepared and was able to stay in and be safe, until it was more feasible to get out.  I ran a few errands, after my neighbor and I worked for over an hour to get the ice off the windshield wipers.  Then she actually had to push me backwards to help be get out of the parking spot.  It was bad.  When I got home my car told me that my left front tire is low...so looks like I'll be replacing a couple of tires in a couple weeks.  Gotta keep that thing rolling, it's a very good car.  

Today I got up at my normal time, had a shower, had some coffee, did my morning chores, sorted clothes and made my way to the laundry room.

Let me backstory here a sec...the laundry room at the complex is in a sad state of disrepair, with a whole bunch of ineptness being allowed to happen.  Half the equipment is broken, all of it is old, the repair company keeps "ordering the wrong parts" and we are all sick of it.  

I even took my laundry to a laundromat a couple weeks ago, to see if it was any better.  Nope.

Double cost for washer, runs 10 minutes shorter, and the dryers are .25 for 5 minutes.  The heck with that.  

I brought home wet clothes and had to hang everything up here all over the place, it for sure wasn't worth it.

I got lucky, I got to the empty laundry room, did my laundry without interruption, and was home before noon.  Before church let out. Even though the majority of us are retired, it just seems to be laundry day for a lot of people.  Me included.  I don't know why.  I can go any day of the week.  I think that is leftover from my working days.  Sunday was always laundry day, so everybody had clean clothes for the week.  I still have the same mindset, I guess.  

Anyway...

I had a thought come to me while we were snowed in those few days.  I love to be home.  It is my favorite place to be, but while we were snowed in, it felt a little stifling.  I was doing what I love, but it wasn't by my choice.  Yes, I chose to stay in and stay safe, but there really wasn't any other option.  And there at the end of it, I felt the dread of getting out to get some things we needed, knowing I had to, and knowing it was going to be a big chore to even start... but, I did it, with some help, and I am going to be good here for a few days, until I can figure out exactly what I am going to do about my tires, then get those arrangements made. 

Living alone has been so good for my soul.  I really feel that I am shedding some "old skin" and becoming that girl that's been in there all along.  I can feel my tastes changing, the way things have been are slipping away.  

My dad always used to say, "Wantin' and gettin' are two different things."  True.  Right now in my head the phrase goes, "Wanting and Needing are two different things." 

There are things I want, some that I will get, based on priority and necessity.  There are things I need, that I make sure I have.  I have one Want that is a Need, that I have no idea what to do about. 

Young Son checks on me a few times a day.  I'm grateful for that.  

The Germany kids got their Christmas presents from me.  They all seemed pleased.  Darlin' Danielle sent me a couple videos, so I got to see their real reactions.  I love that.  Except for SIL.  I booby-trapped his gift, but they didn't video it, or even mention it.  Weirdos.  

Play Nice!  xxoo

This is a picture I took of my computer. 

Looking at a webcam that is right by the highway 

that I can hear from my apt.  

It's close.  

I didn't see any wrecks, but the traffic was minimal.  

Everyone was staying in.  

Worst storm in 32 years, they say.  

Almost Christmas

Today is Wednesday.  My sister took the night off from work to go see her grandson's last 8th grade basketball game.  I don't drive at night, so she's picking me up at 4:00, game is at 5.

I'm so worried about her, with her daughters being such bitches to her.  

Today is Sunday, the 21st.  I've made the decision to move back to Harrisonville.  I am going to put the application in tomorrow.

While I love this place, and the location, I seriously do need to be in the same town as my sister and my son.  While in the beginning I needed the solitude and distance, now I'm starting to feel a little homesick.  

My insurance should all be in place by the beginning of the year, that will be a big relief.  

I don't know how long it will take for a unit to become available, but I'm gonna start saving for the move right away.  And I don't think I am going to be purchasing anything else for this place to make it feel more like home, because it already feels a little different, knowing that this is now temporary.

 I'll have everything organized and sorted and packed, so the move with be a quick and easy one.  I'll rent a U-Haul and get some of my boys to help.  

So, I'll close for now, Merry Christmas the next couple of days.  

Play Nice!  xxoo

Sunday

This morning I got up, started the coffee pot and got in the shower.  I haven't done that on a day I'm not going anywhere for a long time.  I'm wearing my favorite sweat pants, which are now like clown pants since I have lost so much weight.  I attribute that to a few things.  Not drinking alcohol is the biggest one.  Not eating fast food or drinking sodas are big factors as well.  I don't eat many big meals, rather I graze throughout the day. Trying to keep healthier snacks in the house, but here in America, nothing is healthy.

I've been selling quite a few of my Critters, I'd honestly like to sell at least a couple more before Christmas, there's always hope.  My creativity has been a little slack, so I've decided to work more on marketing the Critters I have than try to create more at this time.  

 I've been hanging with Mary quite a bit, she's so strong but so frail at the same time.  I worry about her.  Samantha and Rylee are the absolute worst, and if I outlive Mary I will be damn sure to let them both know just how much they hurt her.  I promise, they will not to get off guilt free.  They are hurting her so badly, I can't even imagine, no matter how hard I try...because I can't ever imagine my kids turning their backs on me...sadly, this isn't surprising behavior from hers, though.

I'm still enjoying my solitary life.  I've been thinking about my past relationships lately, and have come up with some what I think are sad realizations.

I've been married 3 times, but never properly proposed to.  Never even asked, really.  Twice it was more of a suggestion, and once I was handed a business card to a jewelry store, intended for me to assume I was going to get a diamond ring.  Unfortunately, he requested the card back the next day.  We still got married but it only lasted a few months.

I have never been pursued.  I always made myself available to the one that I had chosen.

I am hoping that this new me, the real me, will be lucky enough to have some of those moments.  I think my soul will be sorry if we don't, I think that's what it truly wants to experience.  

 

Thanksgiving 2024

We had plans.  

My sister Mary and I were going to Young Son's to have lunch with his little family.  

Turns out, Mary is sad because her kids are the worst, so she decided to stay home.  Young Son's family isn't very interested.   

So, I'm having another cuppa, then I'm gonna head down to the laundry room and do a couple loads of laundry.  

I can't quite pinpoint how this feels.  It's just another made up holiday, like all the rest, but it is a holiday that we grew up spending with family, eating a special meal.  

Instead of getting together and soaking up some happy family vibes, we're all here in our separate places.  It feels wrong.  I remember waking up Thanksgiving morning, the house smelling like turkey cooking and all the goodness being prepared in the kitchen.  Mom had already been up for hours watching the turkey, boiling the eggs, doing whatever you do to yams, opening the can of cranberry sauce...  

I miss that so much.  Before I moved here, before it got so bad where I was, we cooked Thanksgiving together, at first we had so much family over we had two dining room tables.  As the years went by and the families dwindled and moved on,  we still cooked a turkey breast and all the fixin's, and usually Young Son would bring in a stray friend that needed a dinner, or we'd have a couple friends over...

I don't miss him, and I wish he wasn't part of the memory, but it is what it is.  

The first Thanksgiving I was free, Young Son and I had Cuppa Noodles and hung out on Thanksgiving.  Both of us recovering from everything that had happened, yet thankful that we were together and away from all that.

Anyway, I'm trying to work through how I feel today.  I am telling  my self that it's just another day, but it isn't.  My heart breaks for my sister, and I am so ashamed of and angry with my nieces and nephews.  I have to stay out of it, though.  I can't even think about making it any worse for Mary.  

I'm just going to go do some laundry, say some prayers, and be thankful for all that I have in my life, the blessings I continue to receive, and to keep being faithful in knowing that every little thing is gonna be all right.  

Play Nice!  xxoo

Update:  Clothes are washed, in the dryer now.  It is a cold day here, and I have to walk a little bit to get to the laundry room, but you know what?  It is still better than where I was.

This is the first Thanksgiving in my life, and the first Thanksgiving in my sister's life, that we are spending it alone.  I offered to come, but she's in no mood for company, and absolutely not in the mood to be cheered up or advised.  She's gotta figure this out herself.  She knows I love her and that I'm on her side, and that's all I can do right this minute.

The host of the day wasn't even up at 10:30 am, nothing was cooking over there...I guess I will eat all these delicious deviled eggs myself.  

Friday - Went to see Young Son, went to see my sister, ran some errands for her, ran a couple errands for myself, and now I am home and plan to stay right here hopefully until next Friday.  xxoo

Becoming of age

So far in this journey of mine, this slow but steady incline I've been climbing for the last couple of years is working.  Every "little" thing so far I've been able to handle.  I am Not challenging the Universe in any way by saying this, I'm appreciating the blessings.  

I know those Medicare ads on tv are annoying, but they are necessary.  If you are so short sighted that you don't understand how daunting the world of Medicare is, that means you are younger than me, so hush, your time's coming, if you're lucky!  

I was involved in a confrontation with management of the complex, but it all stemmed from some me being told something that wasn't so.  I received an apology, all is well.  I was proud to have stood up the way I did.  The old me wouldn't have done that.

A "Welcome to Medicare" physical this week, turns out I am pretty healthy, besides my pesky hypo thyroid, still wanting to hypo more than it should.  New meds, and I need to exercise.  Imagine that. 

So...a couple of days have passed.   I cancelled the mammogram that was scheduled on Friday, just no need for that.  

I got some very great great news this week.  My rent has gone down quite a bit, while my EBT food assistance amount has gone up!  I have been budgeting (to the penny) since August, when Medicare payments started coming out of my SSI check.  I'm proud at how well I've managed so far, we haven't ran out of a single thing.  We have always had what we needed.   The Food Pantry is another blessing I should count.  

Now, with the decrease and increase (usually "they" give us something but then turn around and take something else, but this time might be different?) I am feeling a little bit less worry about maintaining this lifestyle.  Maybe even bettering it a little?  That is entirely possible, you know.  

It's all out of my control, my only contribution to the outcome is to expect it to come back in my favor.  There's no reason why it shouldn't.  Just gotta be patient, yeah, I've learned a lot of that.  

Being patient became much easier when I realized that I had no control over certain things.  At this phase of my life, and the path I am on, I have to depend on allowances from the money that I earned every day of my working life.  I missed a bunch of stuff with my kids growing up because I was working working working, so what I get now, I deserve.  Even in the small increments, because I can work with it.  

Being adaptable has been important, too.  Plans don't always go the way they are intended.  Unless it is something life threatening, things can always be re-scheduled or rearranged.  

So, it's Saturday afternoon, I'm doing some computer work, so I'll close this for now.  

Play Nice!  xxoo

Brad is just about bigger than Greg now.

What did you do this week?

Today I washed my front facing windows.  They are the ones I use the most.  I made the decision to leave the cobwebs at the top, outside of course.  While they are unsightly, after my bout of "Flymagedon" this Summer, I have great respect for anything that kills the eats flys.  

This has been an uneventful week.  I ran an errand into Belton for Mary, which worked out great because I needed to pick up a grocery order from WalMart...

She has a "walk through" at her apartment by the end of November.  She's really working hard on her drain pipes.  Snaking it...which isn't going well at the moment.  She's sleeping a lot, which is good and bad.  Good that she is resting, bad that I'm afraid that she might be escaping.  She knows I am available, but I am not going to take over and start bossing her around.  The old me probably would have done that.  

I did a lot of creating this week, got some new supplies in, did some changing around of wall art...I think I have the wall art the way I want it, for now anyway.  

I did a lot of computer work, working on listings, getting them scheduled, created, etc.  Trying to keep focused so I can build up some consistency.  I really need to get myself a good daily routine worked out.  Finally.  

I've been letting the wind blow me for so long, and it's taken this long to get some really old and some new cobwebs out of my head to make room for some new ideas and even better, clarity.

Clarity - not just about recent events - some way back there.  Its been a process, still ongoing, probably always will be, I guess.  Being human and all.  Whatever that means.  

I went through my YouTube subscriptions and deleted a bunch.  I am tired of resellers.  They are absolutely why thrift store prices are so high now.  Was their meager fame worth it?  All of us thrift store enthusiasts are paying the price for their fame.  They lament how high the prices are but the thrift stores are asking the same price as what they would sell them for because resellers made them aware.  Imagine.  They had it made, and no one was getting hurt.  Resellers were quietly selling their stuff on Ebay, making cash, and then all of a sudden it became a YouTube thing and EVERYONE jumped on the bandwagon.  

And then, after watching these people shopping and seeing how little they were spending compared to how much things were selling for, they show-off about their profits.  Insta/FB posts, updates, blah blah blah.    

Same goes for those storage lockers.  There is some interest in what treasures will be found, but then its the same thing, showing-off their profits.

I'm all about expanding my mind, learning about things we were never taught.  

Monday I have to force myself to make phone calls to places.  Gosh I really dislike doing that, but it has to be done.  Ugh.

I got the G-kids school pics for this year.  Gosh they are all so beautiful and smart and talented and kind.  Growing so nicely.  I wish they were closer, but they aren't, so we make the best of it.  I am still leaving them messages every morning, we still chat, it is what it is.  

Looks like I'm getting some activity on my page, I better go check it out.  Like I said, I've been working on my listings...some extra cash would be appreciated right about now.  

xxoo
Play Nice!

Being an Introvert

While I think of myself as a very nice person, I have no idea what other people think of me.  None of my business, I don't need to be told, I'll be able to tell.

In saying that, I live in a small apt. complex, and know who most of my immediate neighbors by name.  It's my nature to be pleasant, to wish them a good morning, a wave, some type of acknowledgment. I might even chit chat for a moment or two, but that's about it.  I'm not one of the "Golden Girls" (newly formed group) and I'm thankful for that.  They get together and play cards and whatever else old ladies do in a group.  I tried, I really did.  Went twice.  Not for me.  

The "girl in charge" seemed to understand that.  Or so I thought.

Today I got a text from her asking me to ride along while she took another resident to the VA hospital.  Downtown.  

I told her no, and she proceeded to grill me (over text), which was causing me such anxiety!  Why in the world is she asking ME?  She Knows that's not something I would do.   

My heart was beating, my mind is racing, trying to come up with answers to these questions that are boggling my brain that she's even asking??????

Turns out, she was texting the other girl that has the same name as me.  

omgosh

Then I get another text from her.  "I'm outside"  I informed her she was again texting the wrong one, and to please change my name in her phone.  She thought that was a very good idea.

Now that my heart has settled down, my breathing is leveling out, anxiety lowering, I can almost laugh about it.  If I did, it would be a nervous little laugh, though.

Play Nice!  
xxoo

  

Story Time

 Today has been such a good day already, and it's not even noon.  

As I was getting dressed this morning, I glanced over at my dresser.  That's where I display all my family photos, my kids, g-kids, and those that have passed.  I was filled with such a feeling of love when I realized that every single person in those photos really love and loved me.  It took my breath for a moment.  Then, I put my hand in my pocket and found 4 very shiny pennies.  Very rarely do I carry cash or change with me.  So, Pennies from Heaven, right?  I had to run an errand, and when I was getting out of my car, I saw a couple of pennies in a cup holder.  Again, I don't carry cash.  

As I got home, I heard thunder, and we actually did get some rain.  Still gonna get hot this afternoon, but the rain shower was nice.  

And now for some weirdness...

I received a friend request from someone that I had been friends with before, but apparently I had or had not done something, she got angry, called me a name, and we stopped talking.  (I am never one to plead my case, a firm believer in letting go.)  I thought we both knew the friendship had run it's course, but, here's this request out of the blue.   Receiving this request, with no words, made me take a step back.  I can't describe the feeling of dread that I felt.  

I wondered if she'd been hacked?  So I sent a one word reply:  "Why"?

A day later, I got a response from her:  "Isn't it time?"

(What?  There was a time limit?  An expiration date?  Who set that? )

Her last word to me was calling me a name.  Over a year later she's saying it is time?  No apologies?  Nothing but a blank friend request.  Like it’s something I’ve been waiting for?

We were friends during the time leading up to my life exploding.  She was a steady rock that listened to me.  Back then I was a timid, scared, weak alcoholic, living with a narcissist that was slowly but surely beating me down mentally and emotionally, and my physical health was a mess.  I was taking 6-8 pills a day, had a heart attack, among other ailments.

She was on the phone with me when he was being taken away in handcuffs for pointing his shotgun at me.  At her request, I jumped in my car and went to her.  But I really wasn't welcome, and I didn't think I had anywhere else to go, until she told that I should have told her I was an alcoholic, (I honestly thought she knew) and that I needed to go home.  I had to pretty much barge into my sister's house until I got a place of my own.

We remained friends, but it wasn't the same.  Then when I started the process of getting sober (2 years and counting), getting my own place, and trying to figure out what the heck was going on, that's when she got her feelings hurt, I assumed it was because I was getting strong and didn't "need" her as much, but really didn't know.  All I knew was that she didn't care for me anymore

So, I thought about what to respond to her.  I wanted to tell her so  many things, but my reply to her was, "I don't know why you would think that.  No."  I sent it and I blocked her. 

My purpose in life right  now is to heal old wounds, not reopen them.  

The End of that Story.  Literally

And the other great thing that happened...may sound silly, but here goes.  I don't know how far I live from the highway that runs through here, but close enough that I can hear it, and I find it comforting.  I've been looking for a web cam that shows this stretch of highway that I can hear and I finally found it today. 

Still not noon.  Still time for more cool things to happen today!  

Play Nice!  xxoo 

I am a little discouraged

Physically I am fine, but emotionally and in my head I'm feeling discouraged.  In trying to figure out why, I thought I'd jot some ideas down.  

I'm discouraged at how the Maker's Market that I am involved with here in town is performing.  I am discouraged that my Critters aren't selling, even at the low price I have on them.

I'm wondering if I should try doing something different, or do what I am doing differently.  Maybe make them a bit more adult oriented, not nasty, just make them more home decorish.  I have some textured brown pleather coming, thinking maybe a horse with a faux fur mane...

I'm discouraged that I am so awkward that I can't even relax enough to be myself, which is odd in in its own way, because I am not sure who I am right now.  I'm so wary about people in this complex that I interact with regularly.  I want to keep them at arm's length, not let them close enough that if they stopped talking to me it would bother me.  I'm ok with strangers that I will never see again, though.  

I am discouraged and relieved that I haven't met someone new yet.  I have a lot of love in me, and I am dying to know what it feels like to be loved.  But then there we go again, could I even let someone that close to me?  

I have promised myself that I will never put myself in the position to allow anyone to pull that rug out from under me again.  Never.  

While I have been like a cat every time it has happened before, landing on my feet and moving forward, I'm not sure that I have another time in me.  I'm older now, and this last one has/is been harder than the ones before, and has/is taken longer to bounce back.  

And for those friends and family members that have disconnected themselves from me, good.  I'm older now, time is precious, and I intend to spend mine with intention.  While I can't stop you from crossing my mind now and then, rest assured that I will not be reaching out any more.  It's taken me awhile to accept it, but now I have, and it's all good.  

And then I get hit with a burst of inspiration, and away I go!  \

Play Nice!  xxoo

  

 

Checking In

Gosh, time is flying.   I have been spending so much time in my head.  

I have a new neighbor and I think we could be friends but I don't seem to be able to do that right now.  To allow someone new to matter to me seems like such a scary thing to do.  There are a couple things about her that concerns me, too.  

She has a dog, and of course she walks him a few times a day.  So she's getting to  know a lot more people around here than I do.  You know, I stay to myself pretty much.  I worry that she may be a gossiper, because she's told me a few "secrets" that she's learned about other people in the complex, which makes me worry that she may be sharing some of mine???  I am being very, very careful with what I talk to her about, which makes it very hard to have a conversation with her.  My guard is way up there.  Plus, she's shared a secret about our complex manager, that he told her, which makes me wonder why he would tell her something so important.  

I thought about thinking about maybe meeting someone to have a relationship with but I can't really plan that.  I know that eventually I will meet someone and it will be the right one.  Manifesting rules say to act like it's already happened, but that is hard,  I love my place, my cats, our daily routines.  This is what I dreamed of.

I watched a tarot reading on You Tube which led me to watching quite a few different readers.  They/the cards all talk of a hard relationship in the past, and how there is someone coming my way.  Most of the readings were very similar,  but the readings were making me think about things that I don't think I am ready for, but wanting at the same time.  Everywhere I went I was looking for him.  They made it sound like soul mates, twin flames...and I'm not saying they were wrong in their readings, I just didn't like how it was making my thoughts be missing something that I didn't have and didn't know if I really wanted it right now, but feeling disappointed that I didn't find him.  I felt that it was taking me out of the present moment.

I remembered how happy and blissful I was before I started watching them, so happy where I was and content...so I decided to stop watching the readings.  While some things resonated with me, some did not, and for such a general audience...nah, if I'm gonna have my cards read, it'll be in person, and I'm not sure I'd even do that right now.

There isn't a thing wrong with having hopes and dreams, wishes and such, and I believe in the power of attraction, I think I'll just keep living my happy little life and if someone gets lucky enough to spend some time with me, well, we'll just see if/when that happens.  

If anyone reading this thinks they should suggest a dating app, thanks but no thanks.  I'm way past the "hook up" phase.  Ugh.  

The boys (Greg and Brad) have birthdays this month.  Brad is 1 year old now, and Greg will be 2 next week.  They are such good boys, now that I am pretty much fully trained.  We are quite happy in our little lives right now.  They both pretty much choose to be in the same room that I am in most of the time.  There is one part of the afternoon where they like to stretch out on my bed, and I mean flat out, on their backs, arms above their heads and legs straight out.  I giggle every time I see them doing that, but haven't gotten a pic yet.  I'd hate to disturb them when they are resting so peaceful.

 

So things have been going very well.  I had some dental work done that was overdue, so I'm glad to have that done.  Another appt. in August, then I should be good for awhile.

My Germany kids are doing well.  School is out, and I am sure they will have many adventures this summer.  I talk to them every morning, we send voice messages back and forth.  Don't know why we don't talk on the phone, but I'm ok with this system.

Young Son is doing very well.  That makes me so happy.

Play Nice!  xxoo

Now what?

 My life changed on December 1st, 2021.  It has taken me exactly this long to wonder what's next.  So much time homeless, then finally finding a place to live, moving in with just what I could carry.  Little by little me and the boys have made this a sweet little clubhouse, with lots of love.  

I am happier than I have ever been.  I love where I live, I love my life.  But that doesn't mean that it has to just be "this."  As much as I love it, there's so much more out there that I want to do.

I am ready for a new adventure.

This girl (me) lived a loveless life for 20 years.  No hugs, no kisses, no physical contact unless fornicating, and then only with the lights out.  I always kept my eyes shut.  

I am a very physical person.  I love a good hug,  I love to hold hands.  I love to reach out and just touch someone that I love, and I've had to squelch that part of me for for too long.  Not that I am wanting to go out and have a bunch of sex, that's not my objective.  

I am looking for someone to laugh with, to talk to.  To Be with.  Someone that I can be myself with, because I am finally finding me under all the layers of squelch, and I am pretty cool, imo.

Because I have to love myself like crazy before anyone else can, I am making some healthy changes in my life, and actually have an overdue appt at the dentist this afternoon.  

Random thoughts I know, but still memorable.

xxoo Play Nice!